Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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