I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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