So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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