I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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