I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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