2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
as a side note pls kill me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
