There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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