Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
