So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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