I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
