i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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