Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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