You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
