I feel like abortions should bother me more
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
