definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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