And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I need moral support for this bender
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
