I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
