he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
