when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
