as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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