I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
