I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
