I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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