bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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