Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
