I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
