I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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