im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
