yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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