Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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