What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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