Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Success! We fucked roommates!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
