suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
