U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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