Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cannot find my penis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
