did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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