Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
