So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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