Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
