come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
