Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
