i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
