I want to walk on stilts...naked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
