A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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