I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
