then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
