some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
