College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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