once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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