Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
