This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
