as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize