bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
