i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
