Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize