To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
