I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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