i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
