yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A bitchslap is in order.
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