he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize