theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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