i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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