You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
