i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
