so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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