So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
