So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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