put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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